2 mOnThS!

Jack is 2 months! Holy Smokes! Time is flying by so quickly. I wish it would slow down for me! At two months jack weighed in at 10 lbs. He is such a happy baby. He sleeps through the night ( woot woot!) and wakes up at 5 to eat, then goes right back to sleep. He is eating 4-6 ounces.. He is my little chunker. He gets pissed when he is hungry. Loves his mama! Won't let dad feed him when mama is around, loves to be held and face out to see everything. Wakes up with smiles on his face. Absolutely hates, hates, hates, HATES tummy time. Were working on that.
 Jack brings so much joy into our lives! He is truly our rainbow baby. The sun rises and sets with him in our book :) Now, enjoy some pictures of Jack Jack. He looks so much like his great grandpa martinez! He also had his first play date with our friends Kendal and laura Cash's new baby Holden. Of course they both slept through it. Stinkers.

One month already!?

Umm. As I write this post this kid is almost 2 months old now. He is practically a teenager! He has seriously been the best baby. Only cries if he is tired and hungry. Eats 3-4oz every3-4 hours. loves to be snuggled and held, loves to be swaddled when sleeping! hates his carseat, but loves the stroller. He is starting to smile when you smile at him. Hates tummy time on the floor but loves to do it on our chests. Holds his head up like a champ when holding him. Burps like a full grown man, and is loved to pieces :)

tHe BiRtH sToRy...

Here it goes:
 My pregnancy had actually been a little smooth sailing once the cerclage was put in in january. We found out we were having a boy in February and couldn't have been more excited! My cervix had been measuring quite well given that I haven an abnoramally short one! March was pretty uneventful for us too. Which was a good thing! April came, and by the middle of april I was 26 weeks. I went to my dr. appointment and we found out that I had started funneling. Not good. So, my hours were reduced at work to 6 hrs a day, then off to rest at home after that. At each appointment my cervix kept funneling and funneling. It looked like a tornado up in therrrr. Finally, at my appointment in the beginning of May, (I had been going every other week the entire pregnancy) the funneling had gotten to a point where I needed to go on bedrest. Which was fine by me.... I would have done anything to keep mr. jack in! While On bedrest, we discovered that I had gestational diabetes as well... suck. The way to help with that is walk.. which I couldn't do. So a drastic change of diet for me and off to the couch I lay. Come the first weekend in June, we had a surprise birthday party for my dad who turned 60. All but 2 of my siblings came down, and with all that excitement my body had decided to start contractions at the non stress test. Enough and consistant enough to hospitilize me. We honestly thought we were going to have a baby there at 32 weeks... :( I was given a rescue dose of steroid shots.. I had been given the first dose at 30 weeks just because my cervix kept getting shorter...And started on magnesium. The contractions had stopped until the middle of the night and they picked up again so the doctor had the nurse give me a shot of terbutaline to see if that would help stop the contractions. It did, and I didn't have another one. I was discharged the next day (the day of the party) and made it home in time to lay on the couch in my backyard where the party was held and enjoy everyone. Phew. No baby, no NICU, no helicopter ride! Hallelujah. Once I made it to 34 weeks, the docter and I felt like we were on borrowed time now. haha. I was continuing to go in for weekly non stress tests for the baby and weekly appointments with ultrasounds. :) perk of being high risk! Our goal from the beginning was to make it to 36 weeks and thanks to the cerclage we had finally done so!! The doctor truly did not believe we would make it to there. Neither did we! So, I turned 36 weeks on friday, June 27th, and the doctor scheduled the cerlcage to come out Monday, June 30th. She had us be admitted to the hospital because we didn't know how fast I would dilate or if my water would break since I was basically down to the stitch. That is all that was holding jack in. So, she takes the stitch out and I instantly dilate to a 6! I went from a 1 to a 6 in less than a second. So she keeps me there for observation and to see if I would go into labor and after a couple of hours and some walking I wasn't having consistant enough of contractions to keep me, so home I went and no bedrest! yay! My mom and I did lots of last minute shopping and errands that day, and that ment lots of walking! Tuesday, I went to Zumba with here and I just sat there until the last 2 songs and just walked in place. Again, lots of errands and walking and no contractions.Not a dang one! but, that night (this is tuesday) I get into bed all settled down and boom, contractions every 6-8 minutes apart.So I watch them for an hour and they stay consistent. I call my mom, and she says go in.But, I didn't feel like I should. So I take a bath and go to bed and they stop. I fal asleep and I wake up to more contractions and I can't sleep with them. So again, I watch for an hour and I wake clayton up telling him its time. They didn't hurt, but they were definitely there. So we go in, get checked in and get hooked up to the monitor and the dr. was already there delivering another baby. Seh comes in, checks me and says I am still at a 6, but like 90% effaced. So she says to keep me in and monitor. She comes back a couple of hours later and I am still having them and she gives me the choice of staying there or going home. So we said stay here and wait a few more hours.. She comes in the morning like around 6 and says well. should we break your water? or send you home to wait.. So we said, uh.. no more going home break that water! lol. She breaks my water.. which she had a hard time doing that.. It wouldn't break!Once she does I instantly start having the transitional contractions in my pelvis! It felt like my pelvis was on fire!! We do this for a couple of hours and I tell the nurse I wants the epidural! So he comes and puts that beautiful drug in and after that I was a whole new person. She checks me again and she says that he has to break through scar tissue.. which is why I have stayed at a six the whole time. So like 20 minutes later she checks me and I am at an 8! yay! he has broke through! she checks me 10 minutes later and its time to push! At this point I start to freak out in my head that wow, we're having a baby! So, I start pushing and I push for 2 hours and turns out he was head and hands first, so after another push the doctor decided we needed to vaccuum him out because his heartrate was dipping..So, they have me push and hook him up and do another big push and just like that, our sweet Jack, Jack was born and we were in HEAVEN!

Mr. Jack Hine Spencer

I honestly have to pinch myself. He is actually here!!

Mr. Jack Hine Spencer made his way into the world on July 2nd, 2014 at 12:44pm. He came in weighing 7lbs,9oz. and 20.5 inches long!

Words cannot even describe the heaven we are experiencing with out little man finally home and in our arms.

Baby numero dos.

We are expecting baby number two in July. To say we are excited is an understatment. To say we are terrified is a HUGE understatement.

We found out I was pregnant again in November right before Thanksgiving. We were actually super surprised because we only did the one dose of clomid. But, we had a goal to be pregnant again by December. Mission accomplished :) Initially we were so in shock, but as the shock wore off, fear and doubt settled in mixed with excitement.

I find myself not letting myself enjoy this pregnancy. I constantly have to remind myself to be excited, to remember that it is in the Lord's hands and that He has a plan for us. I find myself being a little depressed sometimes during this pregnancy because of what happened with Hudson. I find myself missing Hudson more and more because of this pregnancy.

Things are going well thus far. I had a cerclage placed at 13 weeks. The dr. checked my cervix exactly a week before the surgery and I was closed and firm. The day of the surgery when she went in I was already dialated to a 1 and softening. Scary. So it was a very timely surgery. We had to wait until I was in the second trimester. We needed baby to be a little bit older so baby could handle the surgery. The surgery went really well. She did have to cut up higher under my bladder to place the cerclage higher, but she had already mentioned that she would do it. The worst part of the whole thing would be that they had to give me a spinal 3 times and then I only went numb on my right side and my butt. Weird. Apparantly it is called a 'spotty spinal'. So they ended up just putting me under, then I woke up in the middle and started to feel everything... yikes! I don't remember what I said, but the dr. said I let her know it hurt ;). Recovery wasn't too bad. Initially the cramping and contractions hurt but only lasted for about 2 hours after the surgery. Then I was on bed rest for at least a week until my next appointment, and a week after that. So far, baby and cervix are checking out great. The cerclage is holding well and my doctor seems pleased this far. I say thus far because my body is so unpredictable. Within a week I dialated. Our goal is to get me to 36 weeks. After that, she will take the stitch out. But, right now baby is breech and my placenta is laying low so we are looking at a caesarean at this point.....

This pregnancy is taking is taking its toll on my physically ( like it should) but more so mentally. I feel like everyday I battle something that terrifies me. But, when I hear that sweet heartbeat, when I feel those precious little movements, my body reminds me of the miracle that is taking place and how grateful I need to be that I am a vessel in my Heavenly Father's plan.

I am terrified, I am excited, I am grieving, I am grateful, I am a daughter of God and through Him I can do all things.

grateful.

For the three years Clayton and I have been married, Clayton and I wanted children. When we realized that they were not coming easily, we wanted them so much more! I remember praying to my Heavenly Father to just let us have one child, and we would be more than content! when we found out that I was pregnant with Hudson, I couldn't believe it! I thought surely, this is a fluke. I figured the clomid I had taken hadn't worked and that this was just a false reading. But, much to my surprise we all know it wasn't and Clayton and I were entrusted with THE most valiant, precious baby boy. so valiant that our Father had a divine mission for Hudson and when that mission was fulfilled here on earth, he had to ensure Hudson's return to him in the Heavens above.

I have never question why through this whole experience. I have never felt like I was missing out on being Hudson's mother or the milestones that I won't have on this earth to experience with raising Hudson. Any time I have ' tried ' to feel sorry for myself, I can't. I can't because I know that I will have these experiences of raising Hudson in due time. Not the time that I had planned for myself and Clayton, but in our Heavenly Father's time.

I have had such tender mercies over me in the last 4 months. And tender mercies over my little family of three. I have realized that I am truly a choice daughter of my Father in Heaven. How grateful am I for this knowledge. He entrusts in everyone a plan specific to each of us. A beautiful, divine plan that if we are righteous, the blessings from his plan for us are so rich beyond measure.  I am so excited for the most beautiful reunion Clayton , Hudson and I will have when the time comes. To me, eternal families is the greatest blessing in my life.

I have realized I these experiences that I haven't been very grateful to my Savior, or to my Father in heaven. I need to put more trust in The Lord, and I need to rely on my Savior and his Atonement. He truly know every pain, and my deep heartache that I feel and how grateful am I for that. He truly knows what my heart feels. I am trying to be more grateful. Less bitter towards others joys. I have so much to be grateful for that I shouldn't allow bitterness or jealousy to creep into my heart.

This I know:
 I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me, and I love him
 I am an eternal companion to my best friend, my children's father, a worthy priesthood holder, a patriarch of our family.
 I am sealed to my precious family FOREVER!!! Hudson is ours. We will raise him in the right time!
 I Will put my trust in The Lord. he has a special plan for me and my family.
 I will rely on my Savior.
 I will listen to the promtings of the Holy Ghost.

Another First.....

Another first happened to me yesterday. I pretty much thought I was done with the 'firsts' after I had my first day back at work, my first birthday without Hudson, the first anniversary.... But no, this one hit me like a truck. I started going to Zumba with my mom and yesterday one of her friends came back from vacation so she introduced me to her and the sweet little lady asked if I had any children to my mom and I overheard her ask . So I kept listening to their conversation and my mom said, "yes, but she is my daughter who lost her baby." YIKES! That seriously hit me like a train. I am the woman who's baby died.... It was so hard to hear that. And to realize that I am in that club now...It seems like you take 5 steps forward then get knocked back 10 steps.. Its a whole new learning process with life after death of your baby.