Hudson Hine Spencer

This is the hardest post I hope I will ever have to write. We welcomed and said goodbye to our sweet baby boy Hudson. Hudson was born June 8th, 2013 at 2:38 in the afternoon. He weighed 11.8oz.

Lets go back to where it began.......

Monday, June 3rd, I was scheduled for the anatomy ultrasound! Clayton and I were so very excited! we would finally get to know the gender of our precious baby! So, the time came for our ultrasound and seeing our baby on the screen is amazing! There is actually a baby in there! Our little guy was so wiggly during the entire ultrasound. It was hysterical. The tech would move the wand on one side and Hudson would wiggle over to the other side! Little stinker. Of course we wanted to know the sex, but when she looked for it right away his legs were crossed! I thougt, of course I would get the baby with the legs crossed and we will have to wait the entire pregnancy to know if the baby is a boy or a girl! So the tech goes on and does her thing checking all the parts and what not. At the end she asked us, " you sure you want to know?" and we were like oh yeah. So......

 Yes! A bouncing baby boy. Of course, I knew this all along. I truly did. I knew he would be a boy and that he would be Hudson! Life was good.

Tuesday... The Dr. called me tuesday morning and said the baby looks really good, but she was noticing some funneling with my cervix. She told me that she doesn't like to diagnose it until she does her own ultrasound and we set up an ultrasound on Friday at 10:30. So naturally, I had to google "funneling cervix" and saw what can happen and what they can do to try to help the baby stay in. Freaked me out. But, I thought well the Dr. didn't seem to worried and didn't put me on bedrest or anything so I shouldn't panic.

Late Wednesday night, early Thursday morning...... Wednesday was a typical day. Nothing fancy. I felt very pregnant that day. But I thought to myself, well you are 20wks pregnant so yeah, you will feel pregnant... Came home from work. Took a nap on the couch, then went to bed. I woke up around midnight I believe to horrible pains. I thought they were gas pains... So I tried going to the bathroom and it helped the pain for a while and i went back to bed. But as soon as I layed down they started up again. So I kept tossing and turning and tried going to the bathroom again, and this time I felt something. Something was not right. So I felt and I felt the sac. I immediately woke Clayton up and told him the baby was coming and we needed to go the the hospital now. So we hurried and got dressed and headed to the ER and I was just sobbing. Praying that it wasn't what I already knew... They get me in and check for a heatbeat and we heard his beautiful, strong heartbeat and they sent me straight to OB. They get me in bed and hook me up to monitors and she checks me and her face said it all. She says sure enough, its the baby's sac and I am dialted completely. She calls the Dr. in, and examinds me and puts me on strict bedrest with my head tilted down just a bit. They cathed me (since I was on super strict bedrest) and gave me little boot things to help from keeping getting clots and if they could get the sac to descend back up just a little bit, and get my contractions to stop enough, and my cervix to go down to 4, they would do an emergency cerclage and fly me to albuquerque. So come around 8 in the morning I was feeling really 'wet'. The nurse checks me and says oh it's probably from the catheter and walks out of the room. She comes back in with my dr. and they said they think that my water broke and would have to test to make sure. It should take like 15 minutes they said. I knew then that it had broken and that we would be having our baby. They come back and sure enough, my water had broke. So she said lets take things naturally right now and as long as my levels don't rise ( checking for infection) then we will let nature takes its course. So, Thursday was spent in shock. And lots and lots and lots and lots of tears! We had sweet visitors come in to see us and cry with us. That night they gave me a sleeping pill and it helped me sleep. I woke up to the phlebotomist drawing my blood and then Friday was spent trying to induce the labor. Which was so hard because my baby wasn't ready to come out. He was safe and sound in me and I was ok with that!  So the nurse has me get up and shower then she told me to start walking. So I did. Up and down the hallways.... Then the doctor comes back that afternoon to check and we have to check for a heartbeat because if He still had one, we would still let nature do its thing. But if He didn't, then she would induce the labor. That was the hardest thing every. I honestly expected and so did everyone else to not hear a heartbeat. It took them a minute to find it and sure enough, there it was. A strong, perfect heartbeat. At that point, I just lost it. So did Clayton. And everyone in that room including the nurse and the doctor. So more tears shed, then the doctor says that my levels have rose just a little bit, and she gave clayton and I the option of her inducing the labor now, or waiting until the next morning to see what they were. Our doctor is THE best doctor around. She is  woman of faith. She told us to be prayerful and let her know our deciscion. So we decided to wait until saturday morning. We just couldn't induce if my levels weren't bad....

Saturday.... They get my bloodwork in the morning. The doctor checks me again and says that my bag has a high leak. That is why he is still able to be alive (that is the tender mercy of the lord) Sure enough, my levels rose and she said we needed to induce. I start having contractions and they get pretty bad and she decided to rupture the rest of the membranes and as soon as she does, my contractions just about stop. We wait a couple of hours and I get up and walk and my contactions still are hit and miss. She comes back in and says we need to hook me up to pitocin. So they get me all hooked up and start me on 5 on pitocin. Contractions start coming every 4-5 minutes apart then they start to fade out again.. They keep doing this and keep pushing up the pitocin. Pretty soon they have me up to 18 on pitocin and my contractions are killer! They hurt so so bad. They gave me demoral(sp) to help take the edge off and it did. It relaxed me. Didn't to squat for the contractions put it helped me relax and focus on my breathing. So the contractions get worse and I start bearing down on each one and the nurse checks me and I am well on my way. Then I bore down on one and I can feel him descend and I tell the nurse and at first she didn't believe me, told me it was a clot. So I push again and again, I feel him come down and she checks and was like, yes, its the baby. She gets ready and I start to panic put then I take a deep breath and she tells me to push and after a few pushes my sweet Hudson boy was born. The whole time this is going on I keep telling myself and praying that he is born alive because then I know he just needed to get his little body and continue his mission with his Father in Heaven. So as soon as he is out I look and he is moving! I was so overjoyed that he was alive! I kept saying he's alive! He's alive! The nurse hands him to me and he is absolutely perfect! He even squeezed my finger a couple of times. I am so grateful for the time that Clayton and I had with him. I know that our family is forever and when the time comes that Clayton and I will raise our sweet Hudson boy. Doesn't mean that this is hard. I miss him so much I can't breath sometimes.

 I love the idea that I am the mother of a perfect boy. A boy who is"too lovely and too pure" to live here on earth. It does make it easier to know that. We love you Hudson!