For the three years Clayton and I have been married, Clayton and I wanted children. When we realized that they were not coming easily, we wanted them so much more! I remember praying to my Heavenly Father to just let us have one child, and we would be more than content! when we found out that I was pregnant with Hudson, I couldn't believe it! I thought surely, this is a fluke. I figured the clomid I had taken hadn't worked and that this was just a false reading. But, much to my surprise we all know it wasn't and Clayton and I were entrusted with THE most valiant, precious baby boy. so valiant that our Father had a divine mission for Hudson and when that mission was fulfilled here on earth, he had to ensure Hudson's return to him in the Heavens above.
I have never question why through this whole experience. I have never felt like I was missing out on being Hudson's mother or the milestones that I won't have on this earth to experience with raising Hudson. Any time I have ' tried ' to feel sorry for myself, I can't. I can't because I know that I will have these experiences of raising Hudson in due time. Not the time that I had planned for myself and Clayton, but in our Heavenly Father's time.
I have had such tender mercies over me in the last 4 months. And tender mercies over my little family of three. I have realized that I am truly a choice daughter of my Father in Heaven. How grateful am I for this knowledge. He entrusts in everyone a plan specific to each of us. A beautiful, divine plan that if we are righteous, the blessings from his plan for us are so rich beyond measure. I am so excited for the most beautiful reunion Clayton , Hudson and I will have when the time comes. To me, eternal families is the greatest blessing in my life.
I have realized I these experiences that I haven't been very grateful to my Savior, or to my Father in heaven. I need to put more trust in The Lord, and I need to rely on my Savior and his Atonement. He truly know every pain, and my deep heartache that I feel and how grateful am I for that. He truly knows what my heart feels. I am trying to be more grateful. Less bitter towards others joys. I have so much to be grateful for that I shouldn't allow bitterness or jealousy to creep into my heart.
This I know:
I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me, and I love him
I am an eternal companion to my best friend, my children's father, a worthy priesthood holder, a patriarch of our family.
I am sealed to my precious family FOREVER!!! Hudson is ours. We will raise him in the right time!
I Will put my trust in The Lord. he has a special plan for me and my family.
I will rely on my Savior.
I will listen to the promtings of the Holy Ghost.